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Is The Hack & Wheeze An Olympic Sport?

29th July – Bleacher report

It’s hard to get psyched about an Olympic Games I won’t be able to see.

Oh sure, NBC, ESPN, TSN, CBC, and dozens of other television networks across the globe will have the games covered like a jimmy hat, but that doesn’t mean we’ll actually “see” the event.

I’m not sure the athletes will either.

On any given day in Beijing, air pollution levels are five times what the World Health Organization deems safe. Living in Beijing is tantamount to being hot-boxed in a 1979 Toyota Corolla only the smoky haze is far less enjoyable, man.

The Beijing Olympic Committee and the city of Beijing itself have tried all kinds of things to clear the air including shutting down close to 150 gas stations. Just last week, the city ordered half of all private vehicles off the road.

It didn’t work.

Organizers has promised a green games but at this point, if they want to keep their promise, they’ll have to bring in Dark Helmet and President Skroob’s Mega-Maid to suck the smog and soot right out of the atmosphere.

Beijing isn’t the only city involved in these games. Hong Kong is too, and that city is no better off.

Home to the equestrian events, Hong Kong recorded its worst ever pollution levels this week, less than two weeks until the opening ceremony. Horseback riding in a thick fog only works if you’re planning to surprise the enemy camp in an early morning raid.

It would appear this year’s must have Olympic accessory is an air mask, and Japanese athletes are considering it. These masks are supplied to construction workers in that country for burly men who deal with concrete dust and dirt on a daily basis.

Lean Olympians are going to have a hard time to pull off the look, but other countries are also looking in to the idea.

Some aren’t even bothering. The Australian delegation is allowing its athletes to withdraw from any event if they feel their health will be put at risk by the acrid, exhaust fumes spewing from the factories scattered all across China.

Australia won’t even be at the opening ceremonies because of the pollution, leaving an awkward space between Aruba and Austria and adding yet another punch to an already puffy black eye for the host country.

One has to wonder, will they even light the Olympic flame? How much pollutants will that spew in to the air?

What will save Beijing is rainy weather. The haze enveloping Beijing like a shroud finally lifted with rainy weather having moved in to the area but then, who wants a rainy Olympics? It dampens the spirit both literally and figuratively.

So, yes, NBC will have wall-to-wall coverage of the games, ESPN SportsCenter will have highlights ad nausea, in high definition no less.

As far as I’m concerned, however, these games will both suck and blow.

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